It's a Dog's Wife

“I thought therapy was going to clear up the freak show in his head.”

- Carmela Soprano (on her husband Tony).

The Sopranos

            Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan and his wife are splitting after 16 years of marriage. I’m not surprised.

            Currently, I’m reading Cesar’s newest book, “How to Raise the Perfect Dog.”  I’m sure Cesar is absolutely correct about everything he preaches regarding animals, especially his ideas on doggie psychology.

            I am glad Cesar writes his books and makes his TV show, but I think he spends too much time in the dog world to be there for his wife, a woman named Illusion.

            While the couple announced their divorce this week, it seems Illusion has always struggled with Cesar’s alpha male personality. The following quotes from Illusion and Cesar appeared fours years ago, in a 2006 New Yorker story, “What the Dog Saw.”  

            “Cesar was a machoistic, egocentric person who thought the world revolved around him,” Illusion said of their first few years together. “His view was that marriage was where a man tells a woman what to do. Never give affection. Never give compassion or understanding. Marriage is about keeping the man happy, and that's where it ends.”

            Early in their marriage, Illusion got sick and was in the hospital for three weeks. “Cesar visited once, for less than two hours,” she said. “I thought to myself, ‘This relationship is not working out.’ He just wanted to be with his dogs.”

            To save the marriage, Illusion insisted Cesar go to couples therapy. She found a woman therapist, who took Cesar to task.

            The psychologist told him, “You want your wife to take care of you, to clean the house. Well, she wants something, too. She wants your affection and love.'”

            Illusion remembers Cesar scribbling furiously on a pad. “He wrote that down,” she said. “He said, ‘That's it! It's like the dogs. They need exercise, discipline, and affection.’” Illusion said she looked at him, upset. “Why the hell are you talking about your dogs when you should be talking about us?” she asked.

             Regarding the therapy, Cesar reportedly said to the New Yorker, “I was fighting it. Two women against me, blah, blah, blah ...”

            In his current book, in a chapter about walking a dog, here’s what Cesar said about his relationship with his Pit Bull, Daddy:

             “I credit much of my intimate, almost psychic relationship with Daddy to the thousands and thousands of perfect walks we have completed together.”

            He’s had  “thousands and thousands” of “perfect walks” with his Pit Bull?

            I wonder how many times he invited his wife on a walk?