Vito's Interview

“Hope comes in many forms.”

- Dr. Jennifer Melfi

The Sopranos


     Kathy called and asked if I could bring Vito to her office. She wanted to interview him at 1 p.m. that day.

            At first, I thought she misspoke. Kathy is an inventory coordinator for Farmington Public Schools and was probably searching for a student intern. She accidentally said “Vito” when she meant to say “Christina,” my 11th grade daughter, who is an actual human.

            “I mean Vito,” she said. “I’m having different types of dog breeds brought by for us to sort of interview, and see what’d we like.”

            “Like for what?”

            “A mascot,” she said. “I think we need to get a dog for the IT Department. There are so many school closings and layoffs, and dogs are great stress relievers.”

            “Does your boss know about this?”

            “No.”

            “This is your idea?”

            “Yes.”

            “How many dogs,” I asked, “have you interviewed?”

            “Vito’s the first.”

            Thank God. It wasn’t too late to stop my dear friend from this heresy of which she spoke.

            Offices work best when they persecute and demoralize. It’s the American Way. With her touchy-feely-bring-a-doggie-to-work idea, I feared she would be branded a “ reformer,” and nothing good could come of that.

            And she just admitted she was hot in the middle of the layoff zone! Since I was the only one thinking straight, I had to save my dear Kathy from shooting herself in the foot.

            “Vito acts up a lot.” I lied. “He gets sick on car rides and he’ll probably throw up in your office. That would be awful and you’d get in trouble so we better not come in for … the interview.”

            “We have stuff to clean up vomit,” she said. “We are a school district, remember?”

            She said she’d see me at one and hung up.

            I gave Vito a bath and tied on a new bandana for his interview. On the ride to Kathy’s office, I told him to refrain from urinating on anyone’s shoes because first impressions were important.

            Kathy met us at the door of the Information Technology Dept. She led Vito behind her desk and hoisted him on her lap. He sat respectfully and made eye contact with all who entered. She introduced him to her boss Michael and co-workers Steve, Tiff, and Larry. The staff petted and played with him. Everyone in Vito’s vicinity laughed and smiled.

            When he sniffed the carpet, I got worried about what was sure to follow, so I cut short Vito’s interview. Kathy walked us out to our car.

            “So are you guys really going to get a dog for the office?” I asked as we waited for Vito to finish his business.

            “No, but I wish we could,” she said. “With all the uncertainty over school funding and the layoffs, it’s been tough for people around here. I thought a puppy visit would be a fun break in the day. Thanks for bringing him.”

            “I’m glad we came.”

            As we drove home, I told Vito that I was proud of him. Even though he didn’t get the job, the interview went very well.