Biohazard Beth and 2nd Lt. Brian

 “Hey, whaddya gonna do, nice college boy, eh? Didn't want to get mixed up in the Family business, huh?

- Sonny Corleone

The Godfather

            At 6:30 a.m. yesterday, we headed to The University of Michigan to witness our daughter graduate and to hear President Obama speak. We thought those two things would be the biggest events of our day. We didn’t know that God planned to flood the earth at the same time.

            We nearly turned back and fetched Vito, in case we encountered an ark that needed a second Siberian Husky.

            We parked for $30 and spent $32  more for rain ponchos, and we hadn’t even waited in the 80,000-people line yet -- and that was just to pass through the metal detectors.

             We were so strung out from trying to get inside The Big House that we needed another breakfast, which cost $20.

            After 25 attempts, we finally got through on the cell phone to our daughter Beth. We asked her where she was. She said on the other side of the stadium. We should be able to identify her, she said, because she had pasted “biohazard” stickers on the top of her mortarboard.

             Now, many college kids will decorate their caps to stand out in the sea of black hats and gowns. Most girls “bedazzled” their caps with glitter in the shape of a heart or the word  “Hope,” in honor of the commencement speaker. But Beth had stuck on symbols of medical radioactive poison.

             With every other person in the crowd a gun-toting secret service agent or police officer, I thought wearing the word “biohazard” could maybe get a person shot.  But she didn’t think so. She works in a cancer research lab, and some of the doctors gave her the stickers so that we, her parents, could identify her. Apparently, this is how cancer doctors show their caring side. As I screamed for her to rip those darn things off the top of her head, we lost our tenuous connection. Weirdly, her father was able to identify her, nearly 100 yards away, while he looked through his camera lens, so the stickers really did do the trick.

            The ceremony, which featured President Obama, was everything we thought it would be, and more. When the President entered it was as though Elvis had been reincarnated. And in the way that Elvis was not your typical singer, President Obama is not your usual speaker. He rocked The Big House.

            After his speech, the President, in his role as Commander-in-Chief, commissioned about a dozen strikingly sharp-dressed military cadets. This was quite an honor for the ROTC soldiers, and I was so happy to be there and see it because my dear friend Debbie’s son, Brian, received his commission at that time. After the cadets spoke their oath in perfect precision, the entire assembly gave the new officers a heartfelt standing ovation.

            Godspeed 2nd Lt. Brian Meagher! (And please protect us all from real biological terror.)