What Vito Don't Know

     “Hoo-ah!  Are you listenin' to me, son? I'm givin' ya pearls here.”

     - Lt. Col. Frank Slade

     Scent of a Woman

            I just started to let Vito to watch PG movies so don’t ask me how he knows his favorite actor is Al Pacino.

            When I questioned this, he mouth-grabbed videotapes of the three “Godfathers.” Also between his jaws was a DVD of  “Scent of a Woman.” That’s the Al Pacino film he likes best because Vito’s favorite sense is smell and he likes the tango.

            The DVD was saliva-saturated; it was time to install a puppy-safe lock on the TV cabinet.

            We put away the movies, and I noticed he got quiet. I asked him what was wrong. He indicated that even though Al Pacino was his favorite Hollywood star, he was very upset with Al at the moment.

            Vito was bummed because Al is Dr. Jack Kevorkian in tonight’s HBO movie “You Don’t Know Jack.” Dr. Kevorkian still lives in the Detroit area.

            Now Vito is scared of Al because he thinks Al is going to come over with his Death Machine and try and kill me.

            I explained that Al was just playing a part, that’s he’s not really Jack Kevorkian. I also clarified that the real Dr. Kevorkian didn’t kill you if you wanted to live; he killed you if you wanted to die. I told him that was called euthanasia.

            Vito said he is against euthanasia. He said he is glad that no one tries to put dogs out of their misery if they get old and sick.

            I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was delusional. I wanted to distract him from his worries, so I handed him the remote and told him to turn on cable and watch an animal show.

            A while later, I checked on Vito, who had picked a movie to watch. From the TV, I heard a dog bark, then Fess Parker’s country voice. Vito sat mesmerized in front of the screen. Then I saw the flash of yellow dog and Pa with a shotgun.

            I got to Vito just in time. With one hand I covered his eyes and with the other I flipped down his ears.

            Old Fess shot rabid Old Yeller. When I finally let him look, the beautiful yellow dog was gone. Vito asked what happened to Old Yeller. I told him that the family sent him to a better place – the farm down the road.