Bad Computer

“Log off, that "cookies" **** makes me nervous!”
- Tony Soprano
The Sopranos

I’ve been on a bad roll with computer technology. The most recent frustration occurred Sunday, when I tried to post a funny video of Vito fighting a water cooler.
Any regular reader of Veni, Vidi, Vito could testify that I occasionally post videos, and I have never had any trouble getting the suckers to upload. But yesterday, for some inexplicable reason, the blog gods refused to cooperate.
There’s a “help” button on the top bar of the blog, so I clicked it, but that lead to more questions than answers because “help” comes from a “forum” of other technologically challenged bloggers, who cry on each other’s virtual shoulders. The whole help-forum is like a monkey teaching a chimp how to drive a car -- nobody has any business being behind the wheel of that vehicle.
Then, two weeks ago, I woke up and checked my e-mail. There were 1,200 returned messages from Mr. Viagra-Cialis, which ended up in my computer mailbox, all at 4:25 that morning. While I may lead a boring life, suffice it to say that it’s not bad enough that I would spend time sending Mr. Viagra-Cialis 1,200 emails. To add insult to injury, I got a terse e-mail from AOL saying that I had misbehaved and had broken the Terms and Agreement contract I once signed. I wrote back and said that I am the victim here!
Before I knew it, AOL kicked me off -- no more email privileges.
Thankfully, AOL does have professionals that one can correspond with, and they detected I had been a casualty of a password-stealing hacker. Within a half hour, I was re-instated.
About six months ago, many of my Facebook friends got a message from me that offered colon-cleansing services. That was embarrassing. Once again, I fell prey to password-stealing mischief.
These hackers have become pests in my life. The only way it’s going to stop is if Mr. Viagra-Cialis finds the password-stealing hacker and gives him a good, old-fashioned colon cleansing.