“It's 19 minutes after the hour, and now it's time for our daily feature: The Astrological Hour. A quick reminder - these reports are not intended to foster belief in astrology, but merely to support people who cannot take responsibility for their own lives.”
- Newscaster Janice Kent, The Kentucky Fried Movie
Vito never seemed like a Capricorn, he’s too impractical.
It seems my hunch was correct. We discovered this week that his horoscope sign shifted after astrologers changed the birth dates, based on the Earth’s current position to the stars.
A change of such gargantuan enormity doesn’t come easy. The Internet, Facebook, and Twitter were on the verge of collapse, what with all the back-and-forth. Not to worry. Astrologers predicted such an occurrence and told the computer people to be ready.
I heard the change is really affecting Wall Street, a place where people base their decisions on the alignment of the stars.
Now before you go and laser off your Virgo tattoo and replace it with a Leo, remember this change only applies to those born in the year 2009 and beyond
Vito was born Jan. 1, 2010, so he switched from being a Capricorn to a Sagittarian, which makes sense.
Capricorns are symbolized by the goat, which Vito just considers something okay to eat, a third-rate protein at best. Capricorns are the epitome of professionalism and traditional values. Vito likes to slack on the couch watching Jersey Shore.
Sagittarius is more like it.
Sagittarius is depicted as the centaur, a half-man, half-beast creature, just like Vito. The centaur is holding a bow and arrow to hunt. Vito loves to chase squirrels, and on a good day, disembowel a rabbit with his own teeth.
So you see, the change in horoscope signs has righted the world.
I’m just glad he’s not the new one, an ophiucus, which is a serpent holder.
We don’t need Vito playing a flute and hypnotizing a basket of snakes.
Not in this astrological house.
Hey, AM! I'm giving you the "Stylish Blogger Award" for your awesome site. :) Keep up the good work. You can check it out on my blog if you want to accept it. (If not, that's cool too!)
ReplyDelete