Wooly Bully

Hugo, taking himself on a walk

             I woke the other morning to find this Facebook message from my friend and fellow puppy owner Holly Gilbert, former features editor for The Oakland Press: “Don't give your dogs Nylabones. Trust me on this one. Hugo is fine now but it was a long night and an expensive trip to the vet.”

            Hugo is her very gorgeous parti-colored Standard Poodle, who is a couple of months older than Vito. Holly said Hugo had eaten both knobs off a chicken-flavored Nylabone, and then spent the next six hours throwing up. She and her husband Garry rushed him to the vet. Some $230 later, Hugo was deemed okay, but he needed medication for irritation from ingested bone bits.

            Quite a rollicking Facebook conversation followed Holly’s news. One woman wrote that besides Nylabones, pet owners are not supposed to give dogs rawhide bones or “greenies.” I have no idea what a “greenie” is, but it sounds like a doggie doobie to me.

            Another of Holly’s friends wrote: “I read Cesar Milan's (The Dog Whisperer) website and he suggested Bully sticks ... they stink to high heaven but my dog cannot seem to break off little chunks, he just chews and chews and when it is a nub we throw it away.”

            Yes, if you read a Dog Whisperer book, you know that Cesar Milan is a big fan of bully sticks. I don’t know if you are familiar with the things, but if you aren’t you may want to stop reading now, or at least set yourself up with a barf bag, because bully sticks are dried bull penises that are smoked and then cut to size. Who thought up that one? Dried bull penises, no wonder they stink!

            Anyway, after Hugo’s ordeal, I’m going to throw away Vito’s Nylabone. But I don’t know if I’m going to replace it with a bully stick. Vito loves to chew on bones, and I love Vito. But the thought of picking up the leftover chunk of a soft, soggy, chewed-up bull penis is farther than I’d be willing to go, even for Vito.

            That still leaves Vito needing something to chew on.

            Any of you dudes out there know where I can buy a greenie?