Puppy Love

“Mikey, why don't you tell that nice girl you love her? I love you with all-a my heart, if I don't see-a you again soon, I'm-a gonna die.”
- Clemenza
The Godfather

When Donny Osmond sang about puppy love, he apparently had never seen it. It’s not particularly cute; in fact, it’s rather disturbing.
Vito has a new girlfriend named Mia, a fetching Golden Retriever with wavy auburn hair. He started his first day of puppy school at the Wolverine Dog Training Club in Farmington Hills, and there she was. It was love at first sight.
Vito immediately courted her. He flew through the air and grabbed Mia by the scruff of her neck. He wrapped his ridiculously oversized paws around her and threw her to the floor. You could almost see Mia’s heart thump out of her chest. She looked excited, and afraid. I know all about adolescent hormones, but Vito was literally salivating. Mia got all wet from the slop that poured out of Vito’s mouth. It went from sort of sweet to totally weird in a matter of seconds. I had seen enough.
“Vito, bad dog … gross puppy,” I jerked him off Mia.
As of yet, neither animal had been, how can I put this delicately … fixed. So our instructor put Mia on one side of the class, and Vito on the other. Mia seemed to settle down and looked ready to pay attention to the teacher. Not Vito. He had one thing on his mind, and that wasn’t sit and heel. It was Mia, looking all hot, on the other side of the room.
He jumped and tried to twist out of his collar. He howled like he had swallowed a police siren. The teacher had to squirt him with a water bottle to shut him up.
When you view the following video of Vito’s and Mia’s second rendezvous, you may be able to see why I am not looking forward to parent-teacher conferences.